1. 51st State
Bad, bad, bad movie. The storyline is complete crap. Just to recap, for the lucky few who didn’t have to endure the longest hour and half of my life, here is the storyline. An American master chemist, played by Samuel Jackson, plans to score big on a once in a lifetime drug deal. He wants to attempt to sell a placebo drug to some hardcore criminals, who don’t know any better. And why would they? British criminals know little of this thing they call “drugs”.
If my only options were to either watch this again, or masturbate in front of a church using a piece of sandpaper and Deep Heat as lube; I would say, “hand me the sandpaper Father”.
2. S.W.A.T
I would love to have a category on my site called, “Top 10 S.W.A.T movies”, but there isn’t ten and mostly all of them are completely sh*t, (besides Speed, Speed is f-ing class.)
3. The Spirit
Basically a sh^t, sh$t, sh^t, Sin City! Without the character of Marv, Sin City would have been average at best… so what hope did this have of making it.
4. xxx
Honestly I’ve seen better, more realistic dialogue from other films with the same title.
5. Iron Man 2
What a let down this was, and I know it wasn’t Samuel’s fault but come on dude, stop appearing in crap movies. Some might say he makes up for it in his role in the Avenger but for me it’s a different movie, with barely tangible links.
6. Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
I wish I could say I never saw any of the new Star Wars movies, but sadly I can’t. Samuel Jackson was of coarse going to play a part in the downfall of one of the greatest trilogies of all time. I bet he didn’t even read the script. I wonder who can “read” a script faster, him or Nicolas Cage?
7. The Negotiator
What A terrible film, it was so unmemorable that I can’t think of anything to write about it. I rarely forget the storyline in a movies but The Negotiator is a film that I just draw a complete blank. I remember that Samuel is holding the people to random for some kind of morally right reasons.
8. The Long Kiss Goodnight
This movie is a sh*t version of the French movie Nikita. The woman in The Long Kiss Goodnight, is a crap actress and doesn’t have an action star bone in her horrible bony body.
9. Shaft
Shaft…. It felted more like being Shafted, after watching this terrible movie. To be honest, thinking about it, Samuel L Jackson was the best man for the job…. maybe Daniel Washington could do it too? Actually he would have done a better job. He would have been much less comical.
10. Jumper
When I saw Samuel Jackson was in Jumper, I knew it would be a sh^t film, end of.
Honourary Mentions
xXx: State of the Union
Instead of just saying the movies are shit don’t you think it would be worth justifying your opinion ? “when i knew sam would be in the film i knew it was going to be shit” doesn’t really help . In my opinion if he’s in a movie i’ll watch it for that reason, so is the god damn movie good or not.
Dear Vincent J,
Thank you for you comment.
After reading it, i started to think, “are most Samuel Jackson movies absolute sh^t?” Then I realised; yes, yes they are! I would think by just watching movies like “51st State” or “XXX 2” you might be able to form your own opinion of just how terrible these movies are. This does not seem to be the case. All of the movies on this list are sh^t, it’s not my opinion, it f&cking fact. If I ever meet Samuel Jackson, I’ sure he’ll agree that all of he above movies were real pieces of sh^t. (Just like you Vince, Can I call you Vince?)
The fact that he will be in the new re-make of “Old Boy” probably gets your little d&ck hard, but us rational human beings know that it’ll be a real piece of sh^t, (once again, like you Vince!)
Please keep up the commenting,
Thanks
So most Samuel Jackson movies are shit. Well in that case care to explain why he is the highest grossing actor when it comes tot the movies hes stared in?
Also ever heard of Django, Snakes on a plane, Pulp Fiction? Maybe you should think before dissing one of the most respected actors of this generation.
I totally agree with you, and they are not all bad, this kid is just crazy!!
I am supporting Vincent J by the way!!
Star Wars was the shit. Even Episodes 1-3. Jumper kicked ass. Your opinions are not fact. Nothing can be bad for fact… except maybe your life. Go die in a hole. Fucking dumb ass. Also, stop censoring yourself. It’s the internet you fuckin’ pussy.
Hi TY,
“Star Wars was the s&it. Even Episodes 1-3″…. Wow! While I appreciate the rarity of meeting a fan of Jar Jar Binks, you have to accept that they are absolute pieces of sh%t.
According to the Oxford Dictionary “shit: something worthless; rubbish; nonsense.” Could a word describe a movie better? I think not!
I wish I had a time machine, so I could go back to when your crack head, whore of a mother was having you and show her what the effects of having a bottle of Jack a day, 40 ciggs and a few hits from the crack pipe will have on the child inside her. I would bring back the new Star Wars movies with me and get her to watch them and explain to her, how her son will be so simple and dim that he’ll love the new Star Wars movies.
hey shit head dont talk shit about any star wars movie okay just because they was a shitty character named jar jar doesnt mean any movie hes in is automatically shit. also, you seem to get extremely offended by any comment someone makes on here, this must be your first time on the internet. One last thing, speed is a fucking peice of shit movie 10 times worse than swat and if you think otherwise I would advise you stop smoking crack with Tys mom
“Hey shit head”… very articulate indeed Kyle. Despite what you think, this is not my first time on the internet… hence the reason I have a website, which you’re currently on and hopefully enjoying.
SWAT is a cinematic accident, just like your conception. Ironically both had very little though put into them and almost certainly involved drugs and alcohol. Like your life and the life span of the movie, you will be forgotten and on the odd occasion you are mentioned, words like shit, boring, useless and ignorant will inevitable crop up.
Speed is a great movie and I feel in someways Kyle that we are all a little less intelligent for reading your post. I’m sorry that our schooling system has failed you. While I’m sure you are almost certainly unemployed, I think the occupation of a fluffer might be up your alley.
So get on your knees Kyle and open wide… you stupid, stupid f*ck!
Your site is shit. I equate your opinions to a brief feeling of deja vu, where it matters for but a mere second in time before becoming completely obsolete and, as you would say, sh&t.
Please refrain from spreading your basement dwelling garb on the web, or at least return to 4chan where you can be surrounded by like-minded, neckbeard, forever-alones.
I love comment on Jumper you made. Made me laugh so much
How did you not like the negotiator? That was a great movie.
What kind of movies do you actually like? Negotiator was pretty damn good.
Also, I don’t mean to be THAT guy, but your syntax for The Negotiator is appalling.
How did snakes on a plane not make this list? seriously, its worse than all these movies!
God you are a fucking moron! I seriously hope you are unable to have children so you cannot spread your stupidity on this planet. A. Your mother should have swallowed! B. Unfortunately the best part of you ran down your mothers ass and ended up as a stain on the bed!
a dedicated page to someone who does not like SJ…whoopee. such us into this page so we read your mind shite you f ing little t wat – im going to rate all the movies on this page 5* on every site i can find.
You are an asshat… And your writing is garbage….
Fu.ck ur fucking bullshit opinion, so.e great movies u calling shit, go fuck yourself