Computer Game Movies

Tomb Raider - Computer Game Movies

1. Silent Hill
This is by far the best movie on our list of computer game movies. It has a creepy undertone, isn’t too scary (as I’m a p*ssy when it comes to horror movies) and has really, really, cool surroundings. While it’s a little slow moving in times, overall we forgive it because it has to be the greatest video game movie of all time.

Not much of an award, as they are all utter, utter sh&t! Even Silent Hill only gets a three out of five as a movie as a whole.



2. Resident Evil

It shows just how terrible video game movies are that this master piece of cinema manages to achieve second place on our list. A hot girl always helps make a better video game movie (as all video games are for nerds). I’m sure many geeky f&ckers got their rocks off thinking about the adventures they would have with Milla Jovovich. Ironically they would have died at the first hurdle of their adventure with her and never got the chance to stick her with one.  I’ll be honest; I may be in that category, due to how hot she was in the Fifth Element…. a far, far, far better movie.



3. Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life

Lara Croft was played by the perfect actress. Sadly not even the cast of “Glenn Gary Glenn Ross” could help save this terrible, terrible script. It was much better than the first one but that’s like saying, “drinking your own piss is better than eating your own sh*t”.

4. Resident Evil: Apocalypse

This is just terrible but it has a strange feel, like it could one day reach a sh^t cult status among nerds…. I’m probably very wrong.


5. Doom

Doom was always doomed to fail. It had the Rock in it, so that’s always a bad start. I personally loved the ending, where the camera angle is from a first person perspective. I remember watching it for ages and wondering why they didn’t use that approach for the whole movie. We want to see something different when we watch a movie relating to games. Just like when Dr Octopus starts talking like a comic book in Spiderman 2 (when he attempts to control the energy thing). Game movies should be shot differently, like they’re a game. Anyway, sh^t movie and how easily have we forgotten this one? When was the last time you heard this movie even mentioned?  And it’s coming fifth… f*ck me this is a sh&t movie list!


6.  Street Fighter

What can I say about a movie that has Kyle Minogue and Jon Claude Van Dame in it? Was it destined to fail? I think, like some other terrible movie on this list, it might be appreciated in time as a truly awful movie. I can image my hypothetical child asking me one day if I’ve seem Street Fighter. He probably watches it with his pot head friends when I’m out of the house.


7. Mortal Kombat

I think no one will watch this movie in the future or present. It’s really, really bad. Honestly, I’ve seen better special effects in an Ed Wood movie. There’s a movie called, “The Quest” and it has an almost identical storyline to Mortal Kombat. Surely someone on the movie set must have seen The Quest before reading the script and said, “Wait a sec, this is a sh&t version of The Quest, which is a terrible movie.”


8. Prince Of Persia

As computer game movies go, this isn’t the worst. It would have achieved higher rankings on our list if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s so f^cking forgetful as a movie.  I mean, Doom will be forgotten but it will be like Prince of Persia never existed.


 

9.  Super Mario Brothers

It’s funny how this movie is still mentioned every now and then. To be fair, it was a difficult movie to make. It was one of the first computer game movies ever made, plus it’s about two boring ass characters. Definitely Denis Hoppers’ worst movie yet. I mean Denis Hopper is fu^cking class and he couldn’t help Super Mario Brothers with the curse that follows all computer game movies around.


10. Hit Man

Wow, this movie is really bad and it had so much potential too! How could you have made this so sh^t? You had a great actor (the guy out of Deadwood) and a cool character and a bad ass assassin. At one point in the making of this movie, I wonder did anyone say to themselves, “Wow this is going to be such a sh&t movie”. I mean, at the premier of the movie, if I was asked by the director, “So, what did you think of the movie?” I swear I’d have to be honest and say, “Can you call it a movie; normally movies have a thing called a storyline. What you’ve created is a montage and a bollocks one at that.”

21 thoughts on “Computer Game Movies

  1. You’ve missed off probably the only decent video game movie, Streetfighter 2 the Animated Movie. This anime does the game justice with minimal plot but plenty of thrillingly violent and well animated fight scenes. Plus you get to see Chun Li in the shower 😉

  2. Good list, but very biased review. Next time before saying the movie was bad take a look at the box office before posting. Thanks though

  3. This is just ridiculous..
    Why would you make a list of video games movies if you hate them all so much? Jesus.. I f*cking LOVE the Doom movie! I think it’s a brilliant action movie, filled with intertextual references to Doom as well as video games in general..
    And don’t even get me started on the Resident Evil series! Fantastic action horror movies! Again there’s lot’s of clever references to the games!
    I don’t get why you’d make a list of movies you hate?? Clearly you’re not the right audience for these kind of movies. Go watch Forest Gump or The Cider House Rules, that’s probably more up your alley..

    1. You’ve got to be kidding. The Resident Evil movies are really bad. Like really, really, really bad, and the higher the number goes the worse it becomes. Have you seen the fifth one? It is pure garbage.

  4. Hi McQuade,

    It’s great to talk to someone who know’s a good movie when they see it. So Doom and Resident Evil are great movies?

    I also like your point about me not being the right audience to enjoy these movies. I think the right audience to watch video game movies is; “slow, video game playing nerds, who watch them with a bag of crisps in one hand and their dicks in the other”. I’ll take it you are in this category; a group that meet up occasionally and take turns dressing up as “Alice” from Resident Evil and forming a big daisy chain and closing your eyes as you try to imagine the touch of a female.

    As I mention in the post, Lara Croft wouldn’t touch you if you were the last man alive McQuade… honestly get over it! Stop fantasising about a life that will never be and just eat the soggy biscuit, you stupid f&ck!

    By the way, Forest Jump is a great movie, (f~ck Cider House Rules!)

    1. What kind of professional site is this supposed to be?? You come across as a rude, pompous asshole
      Btw us that watch most of these are female you jerk, better than any type you’re likely to get
      So why don’t you stop posing as a reviewer and back to enjoy life without friends

    2. I take much offence to that comment. That’s stereotypical and just straight up rude…I’ve been a fan of your site for a while. But that’s straight up offensive. You posted this list for the world to see, your going to get hate. But throwing a bunch of your fans under the bus is not cool. Don’t make a list of movies if you have a strong biased opinion about it. At least say that it is only your view…

      Mortal Combat was a beautiful movie. And no, not all gamers have dicks nor do we fantasize about mystical worlds that will never happen.

  5. As a start I’ll just disregard you childish insults, it’s simply not worth the time to even consider your nonsense ramblings.

    You still didn’t answer my question; Why in heavens name would you make a list of movies you hate??
    I wouldn’t make a list of the best chick flicks, as I’m clearly not the audience..
    It’s like people who down-rate great horror movies on IMDb, because they don’t have a f*cking clue about what makes a great horror movie.. It simply doesn’t make any sense..

    (On a side note, you just proved my point by claiming your love for a movie like Forest Gump (or “Forest Jump” as you like to call it). If that’s the kind of movie you enjoy, it’s really no surprise to me that you’re not capable of appreciating the greatness of a movie like Doom.)

    1. He’s making a list about existing movies, not good or bad movies. I happen to like some of the movies on this one because they’re funny as fck compared to the actual game, but I know they all suck. This is HIS website, he can have his own opinion about movies and rate them as he wants to, as you can disagree, just be reminded that is a LIST OF EXISTING MOVIES or the ones he knows, not good or bad movies.

  6. Sorry to barge in on your professional movie reviewing guys but Doom is probably the worst film ever made, not many people care for the clever messages and links, most of them thought ‘this is bullshit, i’d rather watch static.’ you’re going to disagree McQuade because you care to much about all that pretentious shit but you need to realise that the only good thing is the idea.

  7. even thought those comments are from a while back…i would rather read the comments then watch the movies on this list….i guess i don’t have a life (sorry the spelling is crap. im danish)

  8. Okay, we can probably all agree that movies based on video games are usually pretty disappointing. Rather than argue about it, let’s just make a new list concept! I think there are some half-decent movies with video games as a central theme. I dunno if there is 10 worth mentioning, but I’ll list as many as i can think of. Here goes!

    1) Avalon – from Japanese Director mamoru oshii (of Ghost in the Shell fame) He chose to film this in Polish because he thought the people would seem more depressing and destitute o_O

    2) Tron – one of my favorite Disney movies

    3) eXistenZ – David Cronenberg delivers more paranoid visions of how society reacts to technology

    4) Scott Pilgrim Vs the World – this movie split audiences. Being a gamer, I got a kick out of it.

    5) WarGames – More paranoia about a digital world. This time with the treat of nuclear war

    6) Wreck it Ralph – plenty of video game cameos to keep fans happy

    7) The Last Starfighter – One from my childhood. Got my imagination going as a little boy

    8) The Wizard – Good one for fans of classic Nintendo games

    9) Cloak and Dagger – young boy runs away from spies with a video game cartridge

    10) Gamer – Even more Paranoia about MMO games taking over the world etc…

    There we go. Feel free to amend my list, change the order, remove some completely, add new ones, or even present an entirely different line-up. I don’t mind! It’s fine…

    I suppose we could say things like: Surrogates or Avatar rely on the viewer having some knowledge of video games to get the concept as well.

    There must be some Japanese movies/anime that I’ve missed too. Something like the series, Sword Art Online?

  9. You know I am a girl, yes, I play pc games, though I did not play Lara Croft before the new game that came out 2013… I did not see all the movies you listed, but I am quite sure they are much better than silly American comedies with bad humor. And I must agree on the fact that your point is very biased – give a personal numerical rating (make up your own categories if you wish) instead – it will tell everyone what you think about it without being so offensive to everyone. And I do take the comment about gamers as offensive… you are in an age when most people around my age play games occasionally at least – which means university students… we do not just party for our fun, though ofc I do that, too.

    I think this is the last time I come to your site because I seriously dislike people that must use swear words for almost every sentence.

  10. “You know I am a girl, yes, I play pc games” oh come on Kate it’s 2013, like 80% girls play games now, no need to explain ffs

    Well I’m also a girl (WHAAAT KATE DID YOU KNOW) and I agree with McQuade. Played all games above I must say Resident Evil and DOOM are freakin epic movies! You all seem to forget that these movies are suppose to look like the games, and that’s what makes these two so awesome. They’re fun and you recognize the places and events as the movie plays along!

    And I agree, if Forest Gump is your choice, these movies are clearly not meant for you. I wouldn’t recommend Forest Gump to anyone, ugh.

    (Swedish)

  11. I agree with what McQuade says about you shouldn’t write a list of movies that is the wrong genre for you. The best list is actually by Kenny who had the most intelligence and put up a list from someone who enjoys this genre. As for the rest of you quit bitching and grow a pair. You do know no one actually cares what some stranger they dont even know thinks, does says etc. So do us all a favour and grow the fuck up.

  12. how the hell can you say hitman had no storyline? , are you fucking that retarded you didnt even comprehend what was happening? , the guy was setup by the russian president and killed a double and was seeking revenge in a plot twist at the end u utter moron , and i acctually thought it was a pretty good film , and as for ur response to someone criticising your list saying you hate them all , talk about unproffesional….

  13. How any Van Damme-movie can be in any rating of any list that doesn’t start at the worst in front of any other movie is a mystery to me. And if it’s only for the pure movie handcraft there is NO WAY that movies like Prince of Persia or Hitman fall behind. So yes, this is a bad list, but not because of the movie genre but because of the author – Sorry for that.

  14. “This is by far the best movie on our list of computer game movies” to describe Silent Hill, no wonder all of these films are awful when Silent freaking Hill is considered the best of something apart from being awful.

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